All My Thoughts - Nov 12.21

Now I Wonder What I Will Do

Sometimes my thoughts seem to engulf me. That I get lost in it but also with it. Maybe because I want to feel so alive. And maybe wanted. Not wanted the way you think; but wanted for me - - did I do what I was supposed to do with my time here on earth. In my home. In my heart. Is this still part of the process? To self-healing, self-learning? am I being inquisitive enough to maybe know now; to the answer to that question or part of I should say.  and also because I am not afraid to ask? Because I am already aware that it might not be the answer to hear.

I am trying to help you more understand what it is that I am feeling and trying to feel and to learn and maybe get to learn; if I just believe in me and hopefully you can use this to believe in you. I am trying to share the feelings with the thoughts best I can, and hopefully better -

And that means believe in what I want to do ; ; ; even if it sounds crzy !!! - and you for you. Because it will only sound crzy to you !!!! Get it !! Its so awesome to understand that you have to love yourself; ; ; or there is nothing else! 

Brain fart. Yes?!!!!!! Lol – lol – lol –

See, I don’t understand why I would rather hate than so have to much wonderful and then even more wonderful thoughts provoked ; ; ; because I could look into my soul and see who I am !!! Because I did something that I wasn’t told to do !! 

Another brain fart !!!! lol - its so cool to feel and maybe because I never got to feel like this - - because of the abuse, and that is why I say I am 50 but 3.

I hope that makes sense. Big smile!

 and I'm so sorry - - I jumped a few steps - - again - -lol- and I will try to get back to write


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