All My Thoughts - Nov 19.21

As long as it doesn’t matter what I am doing as long as I want to do it –

And do it to get the most out of it - -   is that life? Is that this world?

Then you will Always be at odds with someone else –

It is to learn how to get along

 

Am I finally starting to learn? To understand?

That even what I want – peace – not everyone does - - so then - -

How do we all get along? Without destroying each other and everything?

But that doesn’t make sense – right? because we can’t??

 

So then I wonder,  to the ones that want the opposite of me , it feels the same to them? They are sad? When I win? Is that all it really is?? But it is - - - ahhhhhhhh- - - I see- - -

It is; ; ; in an assholes world !!!!! I wasn’t looking through my eyes - - it was my abusers - - I have just been abused for so long!!!!!! Wow - -

That is so up lifting to know that it can be so much better than just this shit - - !! lol

Wow

If I want to see their world – I can - - if I want more -  - I need to look through mine!!!!!!!

So, for those that want to dream of more - -

Find something above the shit – and look at that !!!! that is where happiness is at - - and can be - -

If you believe and love you – self –love is all you need to love you - - -

If you believe;  - you will then see

And see what you have

to change IN YOU;

to see better!!!!!!

and

that is all that you can do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super fly thought from a super fly kittie!!

 

I can’t look at you to change, I HAVE TOO!!

If I am to be happy, I have to change

I have to change my environment, my world as I see it

And only I can do it, to make me happy in this life - -

It is up to me to be or to be not

To rock the boat or not rock the boat,

And to which ever anyone wants to be - - and to see

 

So but then - - how can everything be? if I am learning this and you already have, because it you that I am behind from; or I am hoping I am writing to; those that are more aware of things to feel and what we can do. because it puzzles me; and maybe this is why I question now reality - - but I shouldn’t have been able to love myself so much after all the hate that was done onto me - - so I ask - - because of that - - that I can feel so much love and happiness for myself for the first time ever - - that if I can learn that, to love myself and I shouldn’t have been able to - - do you or wouldn’t you then question urs, ur reality too?? If my reality is shit and urs is of not - - tell me how to get to there , because here to be I do not. I feel my life could have been better spent wondering about the answers to the questions of life rather than only questions of nothing, of how not to exist.

 Then tell me, because I do not now, how does the world go? Because it can’t only matter at who you are – what you have been told or not told - - because if the world and our brains and minds would be easy to figure out - - then wouldn’t we all see the same thing???

Or are we starting too and that is the problem -  oh oh – did I just say ?

See – lol - - I can think of all these wonderful yet must be crzy thoughts - - because I can see such wonderful for me if I believe - - I get to find answers - - because !! look I aready have - - for me - -I found how to love me when no one else cared if I did - -

But then it scares me because then I wonder if I am looking through hate’e eyes and I get so scared - - because I am all alone - - and I am not sure - - because if Dave and my father could do what they did to me without even a thought for my well being - - what would a monster above them with even more generations of abusing everyone, what would they do, to us because we would never knew, we would never see the abuse , because that is how manipulation works. .

So I am scared - - and I want to live - - but as free -  with my mind with me – not manipulated by no one, by no other human - - is that not a right I have?? Or is it only for those that have power over me? That just want to abuse me, and I couldn’t see, because no one told me to love me first.

So this I guess is for those that are not loved, the unloved, the abused, the shamed. And then at the same time - - this is just for me - - ? - - to see

 


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