All My Thoughts - Nov 23.21

I’d rather fk than fight - - lol

but I guess that is me

and I guess that is where we differentiate,

my love is to love; no hidden agenda.

I want to know as much as I can, not less

And not too less of you,


to see that we are so much more;

and it is us that is letting down us - - ourselves

because, what if;


one life – one shot at it - -

because what if that is the way it is and not what you think you only see because you are of only one mind - -

but I see this too a possibility - - that you are never you and now will never be - - live not lie to not be

because you failed in this reality to live for you ? - - how many more do you think you have left??? Maybe this is our lives? Our nine lives - - lol - - remember kat ! lol - -

if you can’t look in the mirror and be honest with you yourself how can you say that you are living and are living life - - maybe then not -

- - if what you did to me and you knew I wouldn’t be able to see what you did to me- - - -  –because I never felt like I was living not as me – just viewing

That is what an abuser does to you  - - - that is how they take your life from you - - - and now you live only to breathe and to not exist  - - - (assholes)

- -what would someone else have to do to you my abuser to not get you to see that it is now you thinking in only one reality - - because you are now only seeing through your eyes and forgetting the rule - - just as you fcked with mine to me to not see, ,- - because as I see; look at what kind of ass you are - - and you think what? You are the biggest of them all? Do you think you are the top in All the worlds- that are in the worlds- and not just yours??? This is now your blind bias keeping you in a loop from your own reality - - and you can’t see how someone could abuse you , because I guess, you either never thought of that or believe that no one could – and that is called abuse unto you – now it is you the abused that abused to not even live - - not even one moment of your life as yours( isn’t that what you only had in store for me!!! Now look it’s you)  -  and . . . -  look at how you live - - constant fear of that –of someone abusing you, getting the better of you - - because that is all that you see – your fear when you look, - - and I think is the top of your fears - - which as we now know ;- - fears are given not wanted;   - - never mind – lol- - - - wow – what a strange word now to me - - ‘never mind’ - - - - - - never mind of what it is that I am writing as well to you - - - -

focus on what it is that you just learned - - - for yourself - - to see how it is that it is you, and is not you

do you see?? It is what you do to me when you abuse me - - - you just can’t see - - - because it is the reverse

and, what if,

if one fails in this reality

and you didn’t see that you did not even live - - through Your eyes to see You in Your reality - -

do you get to live to live again?

Is that how we destroy our selves and do not see - - because as abuse is - - it is and then you are not - -and did not see –or maybe forgot - - the moment that it was when you had stopped - - - had actually stopped living as you - - because it was you that needed you to be strong for you against ones that only wants to harm - - -maybe survival instincts maybe kicking in ?- - - because I don’t know - - why I think I know these things and to say – to the world - - yikes right - -– lol - -

- - or that is what it feels like - - - that I have to overcome anything and everything if I want to exist - - - - in a world where there is just me

–lol- so cool- brain farts

 - - so, I guess maybe that too is why I can wonder or think of so many realities - - - because I can believe in so much more than what you thought I could only - - -

And it’s weird to feel all the emotions that people feel as they struggle in life and to not even know that they are not even living - - like me –when I wasn’t  - when abuse starts to take over your brain - - it is so your mind doesn’t know - -   abuse is slow to start –

And then to come away from all of this - - - well - - lol - - I hope A-Okay !!

Lol – brain farts – lol- -

Or maybe this is where I get sad of thought - - and I think what if it is me that is still behind; and the world I haven’t even explored yet - - because I am not there yet !!! I can’t fully understand or even understand at all - - because it seems that there is something missing - - that we don’t know but can feel - - so not quite like learning - - because learning is when you don’t know - - but it is a feeling that I know that now that I can ask - - and ask myself as well; - - what all can my brain and my mind do? - - if I can feel even more complete - - and am not afraid to search my brain;

while it is that I am alive - - -lol-

double meaning - - super fly kat lol- there was like a couple in that group – lol - -sorry - - I get so excited when that happens and I only try to do for the bigger ones - - so my apologies if you  already know all of this  - - - and I hope that I can catch up because I am so curious - - -

Lol - -

See - - lol - - lol-  -

Oops, that might not be a good one to laugh at - - yikes - -lol



How we hurt each other to not become - -  And now all are none



Arrogance. And arrogance isn’t even a feeling, that is not what you are feeling but it is - - because that is what you are made to think to feel - - Just like you telling me there is love

 When it comes from you  - - it is not true - -


Please understand or then to be not - - that is what I see and what I feel - - that if we cannot see ourselves for ourselves to see us as real and part of the world that you are in - - - then what are you in? What are you doing? Are you living?


To think of only one way of doing things - - and you know that is absurd to do yourself - - abusers know by default - - because to fck with my reality means you already believe in more than one - - and now - - do you see - - maybe I do see and know - - how easy it would be to do what you did to me - - but I like \reverse – lol - -lol- - don’t need your shit over my eyes and I definitely don’t need to be less like you - - blah blah - - got the lousy t-shirt - - lol - -


Do you want to be happy - - truely - -

Your world will never be the same!!!!!

If I can feel as to even existing after what my father and Dave did to me - - -


- take the time for you - -

To be you - - even if you don’t understand me

Understand yourself – and not as a person - -


But as an individual that is in this life this world to exist and to live and to not destroy your home that you call your earth; ; but that is what we don’t see because it is too big to understand ;- - to think of the world is so hard to compute - - but when you put it in terms that you can understand - - -then it becomes complete. Complete for you to see - - that just as your own family your home your world - - is the same that exists on each and every world; every individual is in their own world at the same time as yours and so on and so on – not levels of society - - we are all the same - - this is all home to one and to all that are same time in time; ;  - -and no paper owns me - - that is the right you gave yourself to abuse you and then me. No more. My life to exist overrides your piece of shit paper that is the same that you use to wipe your. That is absurd to me.

It’s weird; abusers like that word – ‘absurd’ not sure why - - not yet.



-the meaning is maybe more to see-


But we cannot say for sure as we do not know for sure not 100% what all our brains and our minds and the experiences in life what it does to then change and to alter of how we view and how we see - - and not see from our eyes - - but when you see - - you are seeing for your mind - - that is where the info goes – lol-

But there must be more to our brains and maybe I want to know more than you - - -because I could beat my father and Dave at to what they did to me and for them to make me never know that I was a dog and not a human - - - - -  - - -how do I live after - - not trying to see to know - - - how else others think that they have the right to own a human being; ; ;  - - - because that is what Dave did to me the moment he saw me- - - he could abuse and manipulate and degrade me - - and all for the only reason, to wet his limp dic. Sad and pathetic, for you to say that your life has more value than mine - - when clearly not - - not by me and that is what matters  - - - and maybe only to me because it is you. - - - and to be seen as me as of one body and mind and brain that makes me me ..and is free as you or then not you, I will now see to see what rules by you - -


What do you think now I might learn to know - - maybe more than you who thinks that only you do  


If you want to exist as you –my abusers, you cannot then say that I do not have that same right - - or - - -

- - you cannot then say I cannot become you – and take back my life – and then know your life is more worth of less than before and it means nothing to me to hurt you - - - because that I see is easy to do. - - - But I am me - - and you are you - - - and now I see - - what shit you are - - - so go ahead and be the same jack ass - - - now I live for myself and you to never abuse me again. - - - and by your rules - - it is I that wins - - it is I that wins ‘I’ back !!! And what power do you hold over me; ; I don’t even see you anymore - - because I have changed my reality my world to include me and not you - - - now you are only in yours and out of mine. Only those that are left for you to abuse - - is you. - - and to have felt sorry for you the time the moment that has gone - - because you don’t own me anymore and I know that feeling sorry for you is what you need for me to do for you to then keep being you and to keep you in my reality ; ; your abuse no longer controls me ; ; only you ; ;

 and if you keep it ; ;

and that would be the shame –

 to the feeling in your face . . . . 



Be happy ;
while you live
while you work
while you play
while you sing
while you think
while you create
while you become
Be happy while you are being you ; ; ;
while you are being YOU
to then ; ;
live for you
love for you
create your own mind . . .
what you want your life to be
for your reality to be
to see
and then ; ; ;
for you to see
for you to enjoy
for you to love for you
to love
for it is YOU
for it is You,
and that is what
must do ; ;
to live
to exist
      in all of this  . . .
        and in all of that . . . .

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